When Blessings Hurt: Vulnerability Alert!

In my humble opinion, blessings come in a myriad of guises.

Some ‘sweet’, and some in forms that don’t feel like blessings at all at the time!

  • I call them ‘storms’.

And I can tell you from my own experience that if we remain steady ‘in the storm’ and ‘make it to the other side’, we usually see ‘in retrospect’ that the storm was actually a ‘blessing in disguise’!

Now I’m going to share something with you, that REALLY exploits my vulnerability…

  • but I promised to keep it real with you, and I am a woman of my word!

Vulnerability alert โš ๏ธ

Once upon a time, about a decade ago…

I broke free from a twelve and a half year ‘traditional marriage’.

Note: I’m originally from Ghana in West Africa.

I am a victim of abuse…

  • and just so you know, not all abuse is physical;
  • but most other forms can escalate to become physical if nothing is done!
    • Mental and verbal abuse are a thing too!

Anyhoo…

During those twelve and a half years, I lost my self, self worth, my joy AND 2 babies just to name a few!

I felt like a failure.

I REALLY thought my life was over!

But I wasn’t, and it wasn’t!

Now just to give you some background…

  • My parents celebrated their 52nd wedding anniversary last month.
  • I tell you this so you have a better understanding of what I mean when I say that I did not ‘see’, divorce growing up.
    • I saw loyalty and friendship and strength and tenacity, no matter what!

So I had to make it work

  • But I couldn’t, because I didn’t know how to!
  • And I was empty!
  • I had given it all…
  • I had given everything away!
  • And there was nothing left for me!
  • So I was operating off of fumes!

All the while…

I continued to experience ridicule from people whom I thought should have been in my corner.

But they weren’t… because I couldn’t ‘give’ their son more children!

  • I mean MY babies kept dying…

And in their opinion that was my fault; therefore his promiscuity was justified!

  • How dare I complain that he continuously had extramarital affairs and ‘sired’ babies out of wedlock!

I brought it on myself remember!

If I could have done what a wife was supposed to do, then he wouldn’t have done what he was doing!

At least he was handsome and didn’t bring any of them home, they said.

Tough it out little girl!

Don’t be a wuss!

And so I held on…

  • And I fought for my marriage;
  • I fought for my one living biological child;
  • I fought for his daughter too, who had become mine through this union!

Until one day…

I couldn’t do it anymore!

It was between the ‘marriage’ and me.

One of us was gonna die…

  • so I resolved that it wouldn’t be me!
  • It couldn’t be me!

So I left!

  • I left for me;
  • I left for my kids;
  • I left with hope for a better tomorrow! (that’s why hope is still my favorite word btw).

I told my daughter that by leaving, I was giving her permission to leave if God forbid, she ever experienced something similar later on in her life. She was 14!

And to my son, I said by leaving I wanted him to know that if he ever treated anyone’s daughter that way, she would leave him just as his mama had left years before. He was 10!

You see, the buck had to stop with me!

So I left!

  • He went to work one day, and I left while he was gone!

It’s been 10 years

  • well 10 years next March… 23rd to be precise when I walked out and I’ve never looked back!

So where’s the blessing in this, Emma? you ask…

And to that I say, “Look a little closer my friend…”

Today…

  • I know who I am;
  • I know Whose I am;
  • I’ve reclaimed my self worth;
  • I know that I am royalty and deserve only the best!
  • I’ve found strength and resilience that I didn’t know I had!
  • I’ve found love that I didn’t know existed!
  • I’ve found confidence and joy etc., etc.,etc.
  • I’m a proud mama who has been able to instill good values in her kids.
  • I’m both able and happy to bless and offer comfort and encouragement to others currently experiencing what I did.

Basically, I’ve found myself for the most part… but continue to journey on with peace like no other.

So yes, I’m blessed…

  • through it all I can confidently say I’m blessed!

Have I arrived? you ask…

  • Erm, is that even a thing?

All I know is that I’m not where I need to be, but I’m definitely not where I used to be.

  • I’m on my way!

And oh by the way, the values of Innate Expressionsยฎ my handmade business, was born from this place… A place of:

  • Honesty,
  • Integrity,
  • Transparency,
  • Unconditional Love,
  • Self love
  • Self care
  • Helping others
  • Finding joy in the LITTLE THINGS
  • Positivity
  • Hygge life

Ring a bell?

  • So believe me when I say that beautiful things can be born from painful places and spaces.

I’m a living witness.

I’m blessed!

2 thoughts on “When Blessings Hurt: Vulnerability Alert!

Add yours

  1. Wowww! Good God almighty! I definitely can relate to your story Emma! You are indeed a witness & a living testimony of God’s divine love grace & favor. You are such a loving, kind, beautiful, strong & wise woman.
    I knew from the time we connected, that there was something more then just crocheting that was special & amazing about you. This right here is powerful! You have a gift (writing) & a msg, that will help, inspire, encourage & bless many people. I feel like there should be a book in the works & on its way to being published! Just saying!
    As I was reading your blog I was reminded of a song the saints use to sing in church when I was coming up. The words are, “look where he’s brought me from. He’s brought me out of darkness, into the marvelous light, oh look where the lord has brought me from”. And then someone would add to the song & say” he’s brought me from a mighty long ways”! Lol! Yes indeedy!! I love it & I love you even more today then ever before my friend. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability, your heart, spirit & soul. I’m so honored & blessed to know you & to call you my sister & my friend. You are a blessing unto me. Have blessed & joyful weekend. ~๐Ÿฆ‹๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿฆ‹~

    1. Awwww, thank you so much dear Anita…my sister, my friend!๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ๐Ÿฅฐโค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜ญ

      Yes, look where He’s brought me from, Hallelujah ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ. A mighty long way I tell you! โค๏ธ๐Ÿ˜„

      Thank you also for your beautiful and kind words. They touch my very core. And thank you for making me smile and giggle as well ๐Ÿ˜„.

      I chose to use this superficially awful experience for good… to bless and help others you know?… because I’m sure more people than we’d like to admit are secretly hurting and bleeding. I hope that my very existence is symbolic of HOPE๐Ÿ’š.

      This is the first time I am ever telling my story publicly… so it wasn’t easy…but yesterday I deeply felt the need to share. Maybe someone needed it out there?๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ

      This entire blog was created not for the ‘likes’ but as a source of ‘light’. Thank you for supporting me.

      RE: the gift of writing โœ๏ธ๐Ÿพ

      Hmmm, that’s another blessing that I’m discovering as a gift that I have along my journey….

      Many are waiting for my book ๐Ÿ˜‚ but I don’t know what to write about ๐Ÿคฃ. I pray it comes to me soon…then I will do it.

      And regarding there being more to me than crochet, hahaha… you were right!๐Ÿ˜‚

      You know what they say? There’s more to someone or something than meets the eye!๐Ÿ˜œ๐Ÿ˜„

      Anyway, as always I love and appreciate you more than words can say dear Anita! Thank you so much.

      I love you lots ๐Ÿ’—

      Emma!๐Ÿค—โค๏ธ๐Ÿฅฐ๐Ÿฆ‹

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